I am sitting across from my parents at the small kitchen table. I'm fifteen and my Dad tells me I have to eat the Pillsbury pop out biscuit on my plate. I'm alternating staring at the flaked hockey puck and his face, calculating the calories, grasping for a way out, appalled at the audacity that he ask me to complete such a task. I can't do it. It's impossible.
I am sitting in my freshman college RA's room staring at the cell phone she gave me to use to call the boy I thought I loved and end it. The relationship was killing the both of us. But how? This is so painful.
I am sitting in the driveway of my best friend, crying in her arms while my drugged up baby sleeps in the carsseat. We both have strep throat, he's got another ear infection. We're trying a new medication because the last one made him break out. I haven't slept in days. I have nothing to give this child and he needs everything from me. Where do I go from here Lord?
I am sitting on the doctor's table, listening to him say the words "ectopic pregnancy."
I am sitting on my couch, listening to Tim tell me his schedule for next fall, that he won't be home until after Titus goes to sleep four days a week. The same semester of death that falls at the exact time our new baby is to be born. The abandonment and anger fighting me in our situation is an animal that I have no self-defense against. It threatens to eat me alive on a daily basis.
I'm sitting at the same kitchen table I sat at when my worst enemy was a pillsbury biscuit. I had come to my parents house for a respite. Although I'd read this passage many times the past few months, for the first time, I noticed that Christ came to reconcile ALL things. All of them. To himself. He made peace by his blood for all things.
I've trusted him for years to make the world reconciled. I understand that He is coming again and that all things will be new and right again at that time. But for the first time, the hope that He came to reconcile MY life, all the nitty gritty parts of it, sparked in my heart.
And I remembered all the impossible places I've sat. All the places I had no hope. How much He has reconciled!
My relationship with food, my body, this glorious temple and workmanship He created in me. And He continues to do that. Taking away the shame of a postpartum body and reconciling it, to a wonder really. A wonder that this vessel He gave me could produce and nourish a new life. What hope! What beauty!
My longing to be fulfilled with a guy. When he did bring Tim into my life, it was months after I had ended the unhealthy relationship on my RA's cell phone. Still when I find myself hurt and disappointed because Tim will never be able to love me in the way only God can, He reconciles us. Over and over and over again.
Jesus fought for me through all the ear infections and postpartum struggles that went along with them. I didn't have to be strong, because He was! And He still gives me grace for each day! AND he provided ear tubes for Titus so we don't have to go to the doctor every day of our lives. Thank you Lord!
God moved our baby, reconciling the pregnancy and saving this child's life. Oh God, how you've moved!
And you know what? I trust that just as God has carried us through the impossible task of PhD work and solo parenting through toddlerhood and first trimester of pregnancy at the same time, that absolutely He can do that again through the upcoming fall semester too.
Jesus gives me hope through the reconciliation with Him. If He can save this ugly heart and make it right before Him, if He can reconcile all the impossible places I've sat, He can give me grace to do what He has set before me now. When I worry about it, I can give it to Him to reconcile, because I can't do it on my own. Only He can make all things right again.
What impossible place are you sitting today? My heart hurts for my friends in crazy situations right now. One crying on my couch from the loneliness that plagues her heart, that she thought was dealt and over with. Those losing hope every month as their bodies remind them they still aren't pregnant. Loved ones dealing with grief and devastating illness. Those facing relationships too messy to even try. One in the hospital because hope was so depleted she thought this world wasn't for her anymore.
Your impossible situation can be possible in Jesus. I don't know how He will reconcile it or when. It may be years or you may not get to see that reconciliation while you are here on earth, but you can bet that He already has a plan in the works to make it all right again.
As our friend, Merriam Webster reminds us, He has already found a way to make the fact that it is impossible for you be absolutely possible, no certain, in Him. Reconciliation. That is what we call the gospel.