I'm not the same person I was before I was a mom. I've heard it from so many women. I've said it before and I'm saying it again.
This morning, while doing the Seamless study, I realized I have a friend in one of the Old Testament patriarchs: Jacob.
Jacob wrestles with God.
He comes out of it with a hip out of socket and a new name.
Maybe not the outcome he was expecting, and certainly not the blessing he was begging God for, but exactly what he needed.
He simply can not encounter God and walk away the same. He is fundamentally different, and it shows in his body and his very identity. His name is changed, and his heart is humbled.
Jacob used to manipulate situations, dressing up as his brother to get his way, to force blessings upon himself, striving and grabbing after the life he thought he wanted. Now he is all "hands up (or hip out!) Lord!"
God says to Jacob "Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed." (Genesis 32:28)
Jacob, you sound a lot like me. Except my wrestling looked more like giving birth.
I'm different. I've got a new hair cut and stretch marks on my body, but God has stretched my heart too. I've got a new identity, yes as a mom, but deeper as a woman humbled before the Lord. My limp is an oh so tired but willing, oatmeal heart. I'm no longer striving for the accolades and checkmarks of my previous life. I'm not trying to be the IT girl, or anyone else for that matter. I'm about to have two babies settling on each of my broader, permanently out of socket hips. I'm no longer manipulating this body, this world, this life into what I think it should be. No more bargaining with God in the middle of the night to allow me more sleep, make me an author, have a perpetually clean house, give me the perfect relationships, and make my hair naturally beach wavy.
I'm Israel. I'm a part of God's family! I'm accepting His promises and His covenant love! I'm letting Him write the rest of the story. And I'm just asking Him to show me Himself.
You absolutely don't have to be a mom to be changed, but for some reason that is the place where God wrestled with me. I'm so thankful God gave me my boys, the role of MOM, and this oatmeal heart.
Now, I'm going to have to get used to a significantly higher amount of wrestling in my life, but hopefully just as a bystander. #BOYMOM