This week, I fell down the steps with my three month old baby, knocked my shoulder and heart silly, watched my two year old grab my hot coffee mug and walk away unharmed, held my croupy son in my arms in the emergency room praying that God would help him be able to breathe, laid on the floor next to his crib at three in the morning praying that he would sleep, trying to adjust my exhausted body so my shoulder wouldn't ache against the hard wood floor, and called poison control after he then persisted to spray himself in the face with Febreeze. I stepped on the scale and had lost 5 pounds in about two weeks because I can't even tell you the last time I ate a meal start to finish. All this within the first two weeks of Tim's new semester. I'm spread thin.
Grace upon glorious grace, we have all made it out alive.
But today, I took the liberty of phoning a friend. I need a break, my friends.
I planned it during nap time so that no one would have to deal with my sensitive and snotty toddler. It took about an hour to leave my house because my toddler staged a coup. How did he even know?!?
Have you ever felt like this mom life is an absolute battle field? As I'm writing this, one of my besties sent me a picture of her son with the BIGGEST goose egg on his head that he procured while he was AT THE PEDIATRICIAN FOR AN EAR INFECTION! What in the world? The struggle is real!
It's amazing that when I look back at these two weeks of absolute mom boot camp, I've thought I was DONE many times, and then God gave me more to give away.
Today I called it. I sensed God saying "enough is enough," Jillian. Time for a refill.
Looking back on this week, I watch God protecting us. I see him giving me the strength to climb out of the covers at three in the morning. I see him causing me to fall just so, in such a way my baby wouldn't be hurt. I see him causing the coffee to be cooled enough not to burn Titus. I see him bringing that doctor with the absolute best bed side manner to make Titus smile in that ER bed. I hear God's voice singing to me as I sing to my babies.
It may be a little half hazard. It may look a little, okay, a lot gritty, but glory be to God, He provides, every time. He has done it the past two weeks, my friends! And I know He will continue to be there every step of the way.
We are his children. Even at my best momming, friends, I need to tap out. But you know what? God never has to. His love never runs dry, never has a limit. It's never resentful, never selfish. This love is LAVISHED, gushing, overflowing. This love died and rose again on my behalf.
Moms, do you ever just wish you could trade places with your kids? Be loved on and served and tucked in just for one day? That's me! Sometimes I honestly just stare at my three month old in his electric swing, going back and forth and back and forth in it's soothing, addictive loop, thinking, "That looks like heaven." If genies were a real thing, I would ask to abdicate two wishes because I only need one: to be a baby again in that baby swing. Sounds a little desperate, I know, but you just have to see this swing you guys.
But you know what? I'm God's child! He is LAVISHING love on me all over the place, and giving me the strength to lavish it upon my children. He is ADVOCATING for us, rooting us on in his calling over our lives, going to battle on our behalf! You are never alone, never without his help, never without his abundant love and grace over your life and the lives you serve every day in your weakest of moments. Mama's you can love your children because you yourself are a child loved. Your love will never run dry because you are filled with a love that does not run dry. You will be able to provide because you are provided for. You will be able to fight for your children because you are fought for. We may not have a mommy sized electronic swing (if you know of one, sign me up!), but we can be sure that he restores our soul (Psalm 23).
Today I'm thankful to be at a coffee shop for an hour writing this blog post with a latte next to me (next best thing to a swing). And I'm thankful for a complete love so much greater than anything I can ever imagine, yet get to somehow experience every day, and somehow give away every day.
Praying for you mamas, and your precious gritty mom lives. Keep on keeping on.