Last year I wrote a little bit about what motherhood for me looked like on a daily basis. You can read that account here. I'm thankful for this blog so that I can look back and see how things have changed, growth in me, or be refreshed by the encouragement I still need right now.
Today is a bit different. I now have two little guys. Titus is two years old and Matthias is six months old. Here is what I want to remember about motherhood today in no particular order.
Motherhood today is up and down and all around all the time. I had a group of gal pals at my house just last night and I literally went up and down the steps forty times replugging Matthias with his pacifier. I started going to the gym again three weeks ago but I'm wondering if that is really necessary. But the hour long mental break immersed in an audiobook while the kids are in childwatch is really what I go to the gym for. Tim and I are going on a getaway this weekend and when I think about what I want to do it is literally sit and sleep. Shower would be a plus. That's really all I want. Maybe also to eat a meal start to finish without any interruption.
Motherhood today is waking up from dreams of my Titus drowning after a scare at the park. He ran toward a river without my knowledge and a stranger brought him back to me. A background mom anxiety about something happening to my children has emerged. I've realized our children our God's. He gives them to us and we release them back into His hands. I can try as hard as I can to lead my children well, but at the end of the day I will fail. But God! He is the Shepherd of this family, and He will never fail us. So i'm trying to release my anxiety back to Him, and entrust that He loves my boys more than I do.
Motherhood is finding trains and cars everywhere, in my coffee mugs, on the window sills, in the diaper pail.
Motherhood is drool and spit up and suspected teeth hiding under the gummy surface.
Motherhood is rejoicing over the manager special organic baby food.
Motherhood today is a lot of prayer. Praying to start the day. Hitting my knees at their nap time. Praising God Hallelujah at bed time. Praying for God to help me have patience and gentleness when my son head butts me or pulls my hair. It is asking God for the willingness to serve my little people and for the joy to be abundant and intentional day by day. It is realizing that what I am asking God to instill in my boys is his way of instilling or reinstilling it within me. Everyday I pray for God to make Titus gentle and kind. And as I approach Titus, I hear God saying to me, "Be gentle. Be kind." As I kneel down to talk to Titus and pull him in my arms, I feel God's arms also around me.
Motherhood today is not showering for three days and being okay with it. Am I talking about showering again? But seriously, a few days ago my day started with my baby throwing up on me and it just wasn't even a big deal. It didn't phase me. A few years ago, I think I would've thought the entire day was doomed.
Motherhood today is resilience. I don't count the hours I slept or didn't sleep any more because it would drive me crazy. Instead, I try to count the reasons I'm not sleeping as blessings. I have two sons! God has given me these immense gifts. Who am I to receive them, and yes I would lose sleep to keep them well and loved, over and over and over again. They are worth more to me than all the sleep in the world. And yet, how sweet is it that Jesus is teaching me how to Sabbath, even now, with two tiny sleep destroyers?
Motherhood today is owning my motherhood style and celebrating others in theirs. It is also owning my strengths and Tims' strengths as a Dad, and being so grateful my boys have a Dad who covers my parenting weaknesses with his strengths.
Motherhood today is creating simple rituals with my kids like reading library books in Mommy and Daddy's bed before sleeping, eating lunch picnics in our backyard on nice days, making up songs with Titus in my grandmother's old rocking chair every night, pointing out as many "diggers" as we can on any given drive, asking Titus what he learned in church on the ride home, and fancy family breakfasts on Saturday mornings. I love that our family is beginning to have a culture, and we can make it whatever we want it to be!
Motherhood today is becoming a work at home ministry mom. What? Taking on the role of blog and podcast coordinator with Dayton Women in the Word has been one of the most unexpected blessings. I love how God is using my gifts and allowing me so much time with my boys as well. This role and this ministry has made me more joyful in motherhood. Titus loves it, too. Especially on days we have meetings and he gets to hang with all his friends. Matthias continues to be the only male ever present on the podcast.
Motherhood today is truly caring less about the names of construction equipment but suddenly knowing them all because I love my son. And my son loves construction equipment. Who knew that thing was called an excavator?
Motherhood today is remembering that these boys are my biggest disciples. Titus is beginning to understand. On the ride home from Apex a few Sundays ago, Titus told us, "Jesus died on the cross." In that moment, I realized his heart is ripe for the gospel. He believes everything we tell him. What a joy to lead him to the truth right now! For this reason, and many others, I'm rejoining Bible Study Fellowship next year to go through Romans with my boys. I am expectant that God will continue to foster his heart, and it is a privilege that God has given me the position of mother missionary to my sweet boys.
Motherhood today is recognizing how different my boys are. They look nothing alike. What works for Titus doesn't necessarily work for Matthias and vice versa. They are their own people. Each day I learn something new about how God created them to be! Motherhood is creativity, creatively fostering and calling up their strengths and holding their weaknesses before the Lord. Help me here, Lord!
Motherhood today is prayerfully considering adding to our family through adoption or foster care. It will be hard. It will be messy. I feel like God is just saying, whatever it will look like, be willing. And so, I've surrendered the need to know the answers, the timeline, and the specifics to him. I'm praying. I'm listening. And in the meantime, He is showing me that loving other adoptive families is significant and important. I can donate breastmilk. I can make meals. I can give clothes, diapers, money. Adoption is the work of all the church, because we are all adopted sons and daughters of Jesus Christ.
Motherhood today extends beyond biological children. It is spiritual motherhood, rising up to gently foster a heart for Jesus in and over the women God has given me influence. This does not happen on accident.
Motherhood today is exemplifying to my boys how they treat others, how we love people, because God loves us. It is taking a magnifying glass to my interactions with others because I know my boys are watching me. They may be small, but they know we go to the Victory Project, that we know our neighbors by name, that we embrace our people with gratefulness and that we drop everything to help when someone is in need.
Motherhood today is encouraging other moms. New moms. Working moms. SAHMs. Moms waiting to get pregnant. Moms who lost a baby. Moms going through postpartum difficulties. I love you sisters. I'm praying for you. Keep the faith. I'm holding your hand and cheering you on.
Motherhood today is loving our own moms more and more for everything they were and are to us now, realizing the gift of their legacy in Tim and I.
Motherhood is day by day endurance and dependence on our Savior. Motherhood today is His grace is sufficient and I need thee every hour. Motherhood is a belief in this work for the long haul and a prayer that we will see God's kingdom come in the lives of these littles.
I am so thankful for motherhood, but more specifically, thankful for Titus and Matthias, my sons. These boys God has given me to mother. I'm so very proud of them and so very humbled for the privilege of being their Mommy.