Baby is 8 months old today.
In reflecting on much of his life and journey, and ours wrapped up in it, I am learning much about living with long term uncertainty. That is, living with long term uncertainty with a forever certain God.
When Tim and I were dating, we shared with one another that we both had a heart for adoption. We did not yet know if God would bring us together in marriage, but we knew He had already placed a desire in our hearts to image God in this way.
Seven years later, after we had Matthias, our second son, it seemed like the right time to begin the process of adoption. So we began to pray. Then Safe Families came up in Dayton and we felt led to say yes, although surprised that God had taken us on a different journey than we had originally anticipated. We did not yet know that He would bring Baby into our lives.
On May 17th of this year we picked up Baby with the intention of reuniting him with his parents. Now we are living with the reality that this may not be possible in the short term, or may not be possible at all. Regardless, we are yet again living in long term uncertainty.
God, is this Baby you brought into our lives our son?
Certainly today he is. And I will continue to treat him that way until God sees fit to take him back home to the parents who brought him into this world.
On Sunday, my pastor made a point to say that Christianity is not about committing to a cause, but committing to a Person. And that person is Jesus Christ. Earlier this year, we committed to a wonderful God-honoring cause in Safe Families, but this organization was but a vehicle to say yes once again to Jesus. And we say yes to Baby. We said yes to him in May, and we say yes to him today, and we have said yes to him every day in between. And we will say yes every day moving forward. Why? Well we absolutely love him, but we also have the stunning realization that God has done the same thing with us. God has said yes to us, mere people, who had nothing to offer Him!
Cliche may it be, but we do not know what tomorrow brings. Today we obey the Lord, not for the sake of any specific outcome, except for the outcome of bringing glory to the Lord and making His name known and His name great. When we got the call in May, we said yes, because Jesus Christ said yes to us, and with the hope God had beautiful things in mind. How much joy we have received in that obedience! And although I do wish the outcome had been different at times, I will never regret saying yes, because this is how God brought Baby to us! We do not need to know the outcome, we only need to know God and trust His plan is way better than what we had in mind.
This realization has caused me to pick back up my book proposal after sitting dormant all summer, although now seems like the worst time with all the littles in my household, all the ministry God has already given, and all the relationships and responsibilities to tend. I do not need to write to publish a book. I need to write to worship and obey the Lord today.
Simultaneously, I’ve been reading through the Gospels, where Jesus challenges many regarding their small measure of faith. He says, “Ye of little faith!” He says, “Your faith has made you well!” He doesn’t even require of us a BIG faith, but one just the size of a mustard seed.
I am so convicted. I have such little faith in Him. And yet, on May 17th, He graced me with a mustard seed of faith, which brought the most beautiful little boy into our lives! And what’s more, has given us multiple opportunities to share that faith time and time again.
May God grow your faith today, friends. Do not move today towards a goal or an outcome or a cause. Move today towards a person. Move towards Jesus, and He will most certainly grow your faith.